White trash life guard saves 8-year old Asian kid

April 14th, 2005
9:11 pm EST

Ok so I have just awoken from a four hour nap (due to the fact that i was up till 5 this morning, due to a Biology that I had at 9 this morning) and probably would have slept all the way through the night if it hadn't been for the fucking telephone ringing off the hook. Ok anyway...

Alright so the dream starts off.

At first glance, I am a TV camera crew on the TV reality show "Dog-Bounty Hunter". I believe that's an actual show on "Spike Tv". Anyway, the show is about this white trash, 80's mullet wearing dude, whos name is Dog. Dog goes around catching people who've violated their parole and what not and hence the name "Bounty Hunter." It was brought to my attention yesterday that there are in fact real bounty hunters to this day. Can you believe it? Its 2005!! Anyway back to the dream...

So in this dream, I'm the camera the crew following this guy who isn't really Dog, but more of his side kick. Lets call this guy "BOB". BOB has really ugly greasy hair, an unreal mullet and he kinda looks like the guy from the movie "Joe Dirt." If you don't know what that movie's about, look it up on www.IMDb.com.

Ok anyway, the dream starts with BOB jumping up and down, introducing himself to the camera and telling us that he is a real badass an likes to break things...
He proves this to us by randomly walking up to people and pucking them and then either beating them up or just stares at them long enough that the people just start crying....right.
Ok so anyway, this scene leads BOB to a public swimming pool where he encounters and obseves an Asian family, who look like total FOBS, trying to decide whether to jump in or not. Bob walks over and starts to insult them with some very racist comments. I'm not exactly sure what was said but it probably went along hte lines of,
"Oh, hello there. Are u lost? This is a swimming pool. We don't need pale-ass yellow skined, vertically challenged, fresh of the boat, semi-naked people running around."

NOTE: I am an asian person myself and I have absolutely no racist ideas about ANYONE OR ANYTHING. So please don't antagonize me fr my dream.

Ok anyway it is at this point where I stop becoming the camera crew and become BOB. We'll keep mentioning BOB as BOB fr consistency sake.
After the transition, for some reason BOB the rude trailer park boy(but still sports the trashy look) but is actually an employee of the swiming pool. He is a LIFE Guard.

So BOB approaches the situation of the Asian family with these lines,
"Hi there, do you guys want to swim? The change rooms are located on the other side of the compound. Please ask me for assistance if you have any problems."

At this point BoB leaves the scene but we can still see the Asian family discussing amongst themselves for about 5 minutes (in dream time). BOB returns and finds out that the two parents can't swim and that only the two kids are swimming. So the proceeds go give them lessons. He recruits another lifeguard and the two of them show the kids how to swim like "Dolphins". Yes seriously, that is what was said. Anyway this goes on for a bit and somehow, the girl kid has disappeared from the dream and now its just BOB, his buddy life guard and the boy. This Asian kid is pretty good at swimming and before you know it, hes able to swim in the water without even holding onto the sides. HAHAHA. sorry.
But of course, being the attentive lifeguard, BOB never quits and has the boy in his sights who is now happily swimming around the pool. But then the kid gets cocky and heads toward the deep end...

BOB observes this kid, dog paddle his way, though a bunch of people to get to the deep end and then he slowly starts to sink. For some reason, BOB starts to laugh. He thinks its funny watching someone drown but then out of nowhere, his lifeguard instincts kick in and hes off!
Bob jumps down from his "tower", pushes his way through a bunch of people and dives into the pool. We get the underwater shot (from third person view) of this mullet styling life guard, meandering his way through an underwater forest of legs toward the drowning kid. Bob reaches out towards the kid but then outta nowhere, the kid is snatched up by another lifeguard! Some other punk ass life guard took away BOB's moment of glory!!! BOB doesn't say this but you know in your dream that BOB is thinking "FUCK!!! YOU ASS-HOLE! That skinny was mine!" Anyway BOB gets up back to the surface, in what seemed an eternity, and his first line was, "Don't ever fucking do that again kid!"

The next scene takes place, somewhat like the feast scene from the movie "Hook". But somehow the Asian kid is there too but in a different form. He is no longer an 8-yr old asain boy but is a HOT brunette fucking girl! She is sitting across the table from BOB and the puck-ass life guard that saved "her". She keeps looking at him...and for some reason, this infuriates BOB. He wants the girl. You can "feel" his pain and anger...

Unfortunately, it is at this point that I start to hear the telephone ring in the dream and the end of BOB.